you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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