Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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