In the future we'll all be gay
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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