Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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