I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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