its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
