I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You've changed since you got that strap on
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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