I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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