I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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