What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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