I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
