we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
