So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
