We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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