well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
