By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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