even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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