So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
