...so i touched it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
