; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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