turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
