Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
