im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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