i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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