Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
