Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
