you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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