kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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