Plan B is the new Plan A
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
