It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
