I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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