I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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