May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Acid is not a monday night drug
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
