Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
