you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
