I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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