I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
