Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
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take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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