how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
