I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
smell my finger.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.