Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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