My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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