she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
