just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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