Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
