I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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