If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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