WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
