I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm both gender and math confused
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
