i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
