so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
