Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
