I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
