I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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