Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
