Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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