barbara walters just said penis...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
