she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
