you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
