Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
