My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
