if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize