I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
