I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also, beer. Big fan.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
