i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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