Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
