What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
