Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
