what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
