She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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