Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
