Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
