Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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