chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
