i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I believe in your delicious
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize