I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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