we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
