okay pat passed out under dana's car
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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