You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
