i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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