I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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