It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
