Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
