He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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